the story of a girl

My Title as A Failure has finally sunk in.
I was a 16 year old high school drop out….
I’m 17 years old now….
Still now diploma,
I would rather die than have a GED.
I refuse to accept that I’m not better than the rest of my Family.
I refuse to accept that I am worse than all of them.
I was the smartest,
but also the laziest….
I tried to go back to Taft,
but they wouldn’t take me.
Ms. Fernandez’s words were, ” You’re 16 years old, and have 10 maybe 12 credits. There’s no point in taking you here, it would set you up for failure. You’re supposed to be a Junior, but considered a freshman because you have NO English credits. I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to enroll.”
That hurt…. A LOT.
English is my best subject….
I was just too much of a dumb ass to stay in school a whole day.
Freshman year I got 1 credit.
.5 of health
and .5 of Biology.
All because I didn’t go to school long enough.
Freshman year I didn’t make it to the last half of my classes until the second 6 weeks.
Talk about pathetic.
I thought I was so cool,
I did drugs,
I had all the senior and junior friends….
But while they all got their Diploma’s,
Or GED’s,
Or went to Excel….
I stayed in school labeled as a “burn out”.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I could have done so much.
I had dreams of going to Yale,
The Lord knows I’m smart enough…
I was just to ignorant to listen to the adults in my life.
I guess I was just so mad at everyone,
trying to make them pay…
That I didn’t realize I was ruining my life,
not theirs.
I had so much anger built up,
And my dad had me on all these pills,
That not only was I slowly becoming a ticking time bomb,
I was gaining all sorts of wait.
One day my anger blew up and I attacked what was probably an innocent girl,
Framed by her bf or something….
I got arrested,
And life kept on a downward spiral from there.
Juvi,
Drug Counseling,
Alternative School,
Rehab,
Mental Hospitals,
Depression,
Attempts at suicide,
Over Dosing,
Love,
Loss,
Secret Sluttiness,
Emergency Shelters,
CPS,
Lying,
Trust Issues,
Fake Friends,
Pregnancy,
Abortion,
Demons Invading My Mind,
Addiction At Home (not mine),
Being Robbed,
Crashing My Dad’s Mercedes….
So much bullshit that could of been avoided.
I’m pretty sure most of you won’t read this…
And the ones that do probably witnessed some of this as it happened.
I’ve wasted away my life….
I wanted to go to my 10 year High School reunion….
But I’ve been to too many high schools,
And never finished…
The only thing I have gained from this….
Is a relationship with God, and Jesus Christ.
I pray everyday,
I talk to God like if he was my best friend.
Cause even though I can’t see him…
I know he listens.
There’s so much I wish I had done differently,
But I can’t do that now….
I’d go back to elementary school,
I’d be nice to that girl everyone was mean to.
I’d try to be more involved.
I’d participate more in PE.
I’d make my parents put me in Ballet, Gymnastics, Music Lessons, something along those lines.
I’d ask for less.
I’d be more open to My Family.
I wouldn’t have blamed myself for my parents Divorce….
I wouldn’t have ever run away…
I wouldn’t have done this,
I wouldn’t have done that…
No matter what I want to change…
It will not happen.
People don’t just get second chances at life….
Oh how I wish we did….
Anyhow,
I’m done for now…..
If you read all of this…
Thank you. ♥